I'm inspired to write about Schumer because I've loved her humor from the first sketch I saw on Inside Amy Schumer, which I believe was the O'Nutter's sketch. I could tell that this lady was going to capture what it's like to be a woman and also to satirize it...but not so much that you thought she was acting like she was above it all. So when she writes sketches where she plays a single lady sitting on her couch eating plain pasta out of a colander, the joke has layers: tee hee, single ladies be gross and slovenly...but also, tee hee, isn't a little fun to be so gross and slovenly? Schumer's humor is a great mix of self-deprecation, satire, and "fuck you".
She's also been criticized for having mildly racist jokes. One in particular I remember is her gag about sleeping with Hispanic guys until she realized she "preferred consensual". I could totally improve this joke: just change "Hispanic guys" to "white guys in fraternities" and the joke is 1) more accurate and 2) less offensive!
Anyway, the point is that Schumer's jokes are sometimes offensive (although, I'd argue, a WHOLE FUCKING LOT LESS offensive than the likes of, for example, Dane Cook). She's "problematic", as the kids like to say.
Another problematic hero I have is Dan Savage. Savage is a gay sex columnist whose column has run for two decades at this point. His original column was titled "Hey Faggot" and the gimmick was "gay guy gives sex advice to straight people". He expanded beyond that and his column "Savage Love", where he gives both sex and relationship advice to people of all gender and sexual identities, is one of my favorites. Savage has a knack for simultaneously providing tough love with open-hearted acceptance. Years ago, I remember a column where someone wrote to him "Am I a pervert?" and Savage responded, "Yes, you're a pervert--and that's alright by me!" As a budding pervert myself, Savage taught me to embrace my proclivities and that I actually wasn't that weird after all. And that I had a right to sexual pleasure and shouldn't settle for a partner I wasn't attracted to. Thank you, Dan. Sometimes it's hard for straight women to believe that sexual pleasure should matter to us like it does to LITERALLY ALL MALES.
Dan Savage has also been accused of being: bi-phobic, fat-phobic, trans-phobic, and also of mocking people with developmental disabilities. And some of what he has written in the past backs this up. But here's where Savage is different than others: he owns up to his mistakes. He explains what he meant. And he stops using offensive language. Let me explain:
Dan has been accused of being fat-phobic because he contends that if you get into a relationship and your partner gains a drastic amount of weight (or otherwise drastically changes their appearance), it's "ok" to become less attracted to them. I don't disagree. Dan explains that there are obvious exceptions: your partner got pregnant, your partner got sick, your partner grew older (as one does). He points out that expecting your partner's looks to remain the same forever as if they're some kind of vampire is dumb and unrealistic. But there's a limit. And there's a point where a loving partner might become concerned. Dan has explained his point of view many times and I think he's completely reasonable.
Likewise, he's been accused of being bi-phobic because he has said that many young gay men have a "phase" where they identify as bi before they fully come out as gay. But in recent years, Dan has said that he believes 100% that male bisexuality exists and isn't a myth. Additionally, he used to, years ago, use the word "retarded" until readers told him to can it. He then started using the word "leotarded" since, in his snarky and totally-not-in-good-faith explanation, people who wear leotards tend to be strong (think: gymnasts), so you're not "punching down" with the word "leotarded". Not long after, Dan stopped using "leotarded" and "retarded" altogether. It would have been nice if he'd just immediately stopped with the offensive slur, but I'm glad that he actually changed his actions instead of doubling-down on them, which is super en vogue among assholes today.Why do I talk about Dan Savage and Amy Schumer? To point out that, yes, they are problematic, and yes also they have done great work. There's a million other public figures like them who fail to live up to our (unreasonable) standards of perfection, yet offer so much good in addition to occasional shit.
I want to be careful here and point out: I'm not defending racist jokes or offensive slurs. They're wrong, they're not funny, and they're not helpful. But I also don't think that a person's weaknesses don't cancel out their strengths--especially in cases where the person *changes* their behavior.
I also want to admit that I'm focusing on two white people in this post, so these folks, despite being, respectively, a woman and a gay man, have a little more power and privilege than other people in our culture. But it's not as if black people or people of any race, gender identity, sexual identity, religion, or ability are free of problematic behavior or biases. I think that when white people, especially white heterosexual men, are problematic it's undeniably worse because it's "prejudice plus power" working there. But I also think that people of every walk of life are complex--a mixture of offensive bullshit and also, very likely, good qualities as well.
I am problematic. I used to use the words "retarded" and (a million fucking years ago, when I was 12) "gay" as slurs. I was told to put a fucking sock in it and I didn't like being told that, but then I realized I was wrong and annoying, so I stopped. But I'm still problematic. I'm very self-focused. Hell, I have a fucking blog for writing about myself! You're reading it! I have to FORCE MYSELF to put myself in others' shoes and to empathize. It truly does not come naturally to me. I'll catch myself making other people's stories and anecdotes about me. Also: I'm judgmental. I'm mistrustful. I'm, at times, dismissive. I can be blunt to the point where it's sometimes refreshingly honest and it's sometimes vaguely antisocial. Basically, I'm a classic Sagittarius y'all!
I have fucked up numerous times and, sadly, will never reach perfection. But here's the thing: neither will you. Neither will Amy Schumer or Dan Savage. Or fucking Barack Obama (he fucked up too, guys! Drones!). When we say "your fave is problematic", that is accurate because, guess what, EVERY HUMAN BEING EVER is problematic. Does that mean we're all on par with Hitler or Steven Bannon or that little fuckhead Richard Spencer? No, of course not---those guys aren't just "problematic", they're fucking psychopaths who literally deserve to burn in hell. I'm talking about the massive grey moral area most decent but not perfect people inhabit.
Again, I realize that there's a lot of complexity here. Some people's problematic behavior is worse than others. But what I hope what folks get out of reading this is the permission, if they need it, to forgive themselves for their failings and the courage to consider making some changes. It's difficult because smart people know they'll never be perfect so there's this temptation to never change because why bother? Well, like many things in life it's not about the destination, it's about the journey. No one reaches the destination of "perfection" or "living a life where you never hurt anyone". Sorry to burst your bubble. BUT, everyone is capable of learning. Everyone is capable of small changes. And that learning is what makes life worth living. The folks who never think about their actions or question their beliefs? You should pity them. They're living an unexamined life. And that's boring.
So, today, hold these two seemingly contradictory thoughts in your mind: I am not perfect. I can examine my life.
Your fave is problematic. You are problematic. I am problematic. And being "problematic" is a gift because it allows us the opportunity to change and to love other people more fully.
PS: Did you guys know that Rick-rolling is racist and transphobic? I had no idea until I read this really intriguing essay.
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