Magazines and Me: A Love Story

For my entire life, I've had an addiction to magazines. It all started when I was a kid and subscribed to Kid City, Disney Adventures, and--most beloved of all--Nickelodeon Magazine. I loved Nickelodeon's wacky and kinda dark sense of humor and their articles on weird places in the world (I distinctly remember an article about cool hotels--like the ice hotel in Sweden) and other fun and interesting facts.

As I got older, I started subscribing to all the typical teen girl mags that were popular at the time: Teen, Seventeen, YM and my two favorites--Twist and Jump. Other women my age might remember Twist and Jump for their post-Sassy feminist content. I remember an article in Twist about birth control options, including how they worked and how reliable they were. Jump had a lot of articles about loving your body and also about sex (encouraging teen girls to wait, but not in a preachy way, more in a "you don't have to do anything you don't want to do" way).

Guy virgins! Street hockey! ... Silverchair? Ugh.

And now, at the age of 31, I subscribe to the following magazines:

Entertainment Weekly
Bitch
Bust
Real Simple
Cosmopolitan
Elle
Glamour
Marie Claire
Shape
Health
Women's Health
GQ 

...and I may have forgotten one or two. I used to subscribe to Self and Fitness as well until they both went under. And years ago I also subscribed to Premiere and Movieline, but movie magazines went the way of the dodo about 10 years ago.

You might ask, Jenny...why? Why magazines? Well, for one thing, it's nice to be able to read articles without comments sections...or the temptation of comments sections. They're also portable. Yeah, I know that iPads are portable too, but you know what iPads don't have? Perfume samples.

Check mate, bitches.

But seriously, reading a magazine on an iPad or phone is a total drag. Magazines are highly visual and tactile and a computer screen doesn't give you the same experience. Plus, I stare at a computer screen literally all day...do I really want to keep doing so in bed, or at breakfast, or on the can, or at the gym? No thanks! I'd like to rest my eyes a bit!

You might also ask But Jenny, aren't all those magazines like, totally anti-feminist and body shaming?! To which I answer: 10-20% that's a correct assumption, but 80-90% you're totally wrong. Firstly, Bust and Bitch are feminist mags and Entertainment Weekly and GQ are super pro-LGBTQ (actually, this week's issue of Entertainment Weekly is LGBTQ-themed with RuPaul on the cover).

Not all magazines are cesspools of internalized sexism!

But of course, you don't mean those mags, you mean the terrible, awful, no good, very bad women's magazines that tell you how to do weird stuff to "your man's" "junk" and those body-shaming health magazines that try to pretend like a "handful of almonds" is a satisfying snack.

Ok, ok. I take your point! Yes, the above health magazines do have articles that while not blatantly fat-shaming, are all about how to lose weight, so indeed, they are implicitly fat-shaming. I will not deny that. However, they are great to read while on the elliptical! And Women's Health is about waaaaay more than diet and fitness. I've read articles about doctors who have abused their patients and how to get help if you've been abused by a doctor. I've read articles about the newest sex toys, including the best ones to use by yourself and the best ones to use with a partner. I've read articles on mindfulness meditation. So, there's a lot more than meets the eye.

But what about the fashion magazines? Hmm, well consider that the latest issue of Elle has interviews with Roxane Gay, Kate McKinnon (it's the "women in comedy" issue) and New York Times journalist Maggie Haberman. Right alongside the couture.

Cosmo is a bit of a lost cause, I'll admit. But did you know that from 2012-2016, Joanna Coles was the Editor-in-Chief and during that time, Cosmo upped its coverage of LGBTQ issues (including an exclusive interview with none other than Chelsea fuckin' Manning when she was still in prison), sexual assault and abuse, abortion, and other relatively hard-hitting topics? Right alongside the blow job tips. (Coles left in 2016 and the new editor sucks and Cosmo is right back where it started...but, eh, it's good bathroom reading).

Hey look, a non-size-zero person on the cover!

So, while I will not deny that magazines are imperfect vessels of advice and culture, they are also a lot more than the haters would like you to think. And I should know because I've been subscribing to a minimum of 5 different magazines for two-thirds of my life. I'm kind of an expert, you guys.

You might also wonder if my time couldn't be spent more productively on reading actual, you know, books. You know, stuff that grown-ups read! Well...I average between 25-35 books a year so I'm not super worried.

Now that I've gone the full magazine-apologist route, what can I say that I've learned throughout my years of reading about how to create the perfect cat-eye makeup look and the hottest superfoods for summer and (in GQ) the difference between a handkerchief and a pocket square? Well, a few things:

1) It's ok to have fun. You don't need to read literature that "improves" or "elevates" you all the time. A guy my friend dated in college actually argued that point with me once, saying I was "wasting my time" reading women's magazines and romance novels. Well guess what? That guy turned out to be a physically abusive alcoholic, so fuck him! (also: a mansplainer. He can burn in hell).

2) It's ok to also learn cool, random things *while* having fun. Because of magazines, I learned what a pocket square is and that a hotel made entirely out of ice (even the beds!!) exists. I learned where on the body the perineum is from Cosmo. I learned a lot about feminist horror movies from Bitch. I learned cool craft projects from Bust. I've learned all there is to know about high intensity interval training from all those fitness mags. And, occasionally, I've learned deeper, more complex things from mags. Bitch, GQ, and Elle are the best of the bunch I subscribe to at in-depth journalism and have published articles that legitimately changed the way I view politics, feminism, and culture.

3) It's ok to be retro, even if people laugh at you! Reading print magazines is old school, y'all. And I love it. Just imagine reading words and looking at pictures that are NOT ON A FUCKING COMPUTER SCREEN. It's truly life-changing. I feel like I can breathe when I read print material (and I read plenty of books and articles online/on e-readers, so I'm not dissing any of that). No scrolling...no finger prints on ya damn screen. Just me, my coffee, and my glossies.

4) It makes checking your mail a treat/"small pleasures". People always talk about how the key to happiness in life is enjoying the small pleasures. Well, with my magazine fetish, getting the mail becomes a daily pleasure. When I wake up on a work day, do I rush through my morning routine, getting to work already stressed out? Do I check Facebook upon waking and become angry at the world before the day even begins? No, I do not. I get up, I drink coffee, and I read "50 hot sex tips inspired by Fifty Shades of Grey", or an interview with Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson about how he is legitimately thinking of running for president, or a fashion spread inspired by Hamilton, and the day begins gently and pleasurably. (ok, I made the Hamilton one up, but the other two articles are real).

Magazines might not be your thing, and that's fine! But, you have your own version of magazines, whether it's your quest to try EVERY brand of mascara, or your love of watching Friends reruns, or your obsession with Buzzfeed quizzes. The point is, it's ok to enjoy "guilty" or "pointless" pleasures. It's ok to relax. And, by god, it's ok to be both a feminist and also want to read about fashion, fitness trends, and the Real Housewives of Orange County.

My first love.

Your Fave is Problematic

I'm currently reading Amy Schumer's memoir The Girl With the Lower Back Tattoo and I'm really enjoying it. It's the perfect mix of gabbing about the men she's slept with and talking about her own experiences with date rape, intimate partner violence, and her dad's Multiple sclerosis. So, you know, the bitter and the sweet.

I'm inspired to write about Schumer because I've loved her humor from the first sketch I saw on Inside Amy Schumer, which I believe was the O'Nutter's sketch. I could tell that this lady was going to capture what it's like to be a woman and also to satirize it...but not so much that you thought she was acting like she was above it all. So when she writes sketches where she plays a single lady sitting on her couch eating plain pasta out of a colander, the joke has layers: tee hee, single ladies be gross and slovenly...but also, tee hee, isn't a little fun to be so gross and slovenly? Schumer's humor is a great mix of self-deprecation, satire, and "fuck you".

She's also been criticized for having mildly racist jokes. One in particular I remember is her gag about sleeping with Hispanic guys until she realized she "preferred consensual". I could totally improve this joke: just change "Hispanic guys" to "white guys in fraternities" and the joke is 1) more accurate and 2) less offensive!

Anyway, the point is that Schumer's jokes are sometimes offensive (although, I'd argue, a WHOLE FUCKING LOT LESS offensive than the likes of, for example, Dane Cook). She's "problematic", as the kids like to say.

Another problematic hero I have is Dan Savage. Savage is a gay sex columnist whose column has run for two decades at this point. His original column was titled "Hey Faggot" and the gimmick was "gay guy gives sex advice to straight people". He expanded beyond that and his column "Savage Love", where he gives both sex and relationship advice to people of all gender and sexual identities, is one of my favorites. Savage has a knack for simultaneously providing tough love with open-hearted acceptance. Years ago, I remember a column where someone wrote to him "Am I a pervert?" and Savage responded, "Yes, you're a pervert--and that's alright by me!" As a budding pervert myself, Savage taught me to embrace my proclivities and that I actually wasn't that weird after all. And that I had a right to sexual pleasure and shouldn't settle for a partner I wasn't attracted to. Thank you, Dan. Sometimes it's hard for straight women to believe that sexual pleasure should matter to us like it does to LITERALLY ALL MALES.

Dan Savage has also been accused of being: bi-phobic, fat-phobic, trans-phobic, and also of mocking people with developmental disabilities. And some of what he has written in the past backs this up. But here's where Savage is different than others: he owns up to his mistakes. He explains what he meant. And he stops using offensive language. Let me explain:

Dan has been accused of being fat-phobic because he contends that if you get into a relationship and your partner gains a drastic amount of weight (or otherwise drastically changes their appearance), it's "ok" to become less attracted to them. I don't disagree. Dan explains that there are obvious exceptions: your partner got pregnant, your partner got sick, your partner grew older (as one does). He points out that expecting your partner's looks to remain the same forever as if they're some kind of vampire is dumb and unrealistic. But there's a limit. And there's a point where a loving partner might become concerned. Dan has explained his point of view many times and I think he's completely reasonable.


Likewise, he's been accused of being bi-phobic because he has said that many young gay men have a "phase" where they identify as bi before they fully come out as gay. But in recent years, Dan has said that he believes 100% that male bisexuality exists and isn't a myth. Additionally, he used to, years ago, use the word "retarded" until readers told him to can it. He then started using the word "leotarded" since, in his snarky and totally-not-in-good-faith explanation, people who wear leotards tend to be strong (think: gymnasts), so you're not "punching down" with the word "leotarded". Not long after, Dan stopped using "leotarded" and "retarded" altogether. It would have been nice if he'd just immediately stopped with the offensive slur, but I'm glad that he actually changed his actions instead of doubling-down on them, which is super en vogue among assholes today.

Why do I talk about Dan Savage and Amy Schumer? To point out that, yes, they are problematic, and yes also they have done great work. There's a million other public figures like them who fail to live up to our (unreasonable) standards of perfection, yet offer so much good in addition to occasional shit.

I want to be careful here and point out: I'm not defending racist jokes or offensive slurs. They're wrong, they're not funny, and they're not helpful. But I also don't think that a person's weaknesses don't cancel out their strengths--especially in cases where the person *changes* their behavior.

I also want to admit that I'm focusing on two white people in this post, so these folks, despite being, respectively, a woman and a gay man, have a little more power and privilege than other people in our culture. But it's not as if black people or people of any race, gender identity, sexual identity, religion, or ability are free of problematic behavior or biases. I think that when white people, especially white heterosexual men, are problematic it's undeniably worse because it's "prejudice plus power" working there. But I also think that people of every walk of life are complex--a mixture of offensive bullshit and also, very likely, good qualities as well.

I am problematic. I used to use the words "retarded" and (a million fucking years ago, when I was 12) "gay" as slurs. I was told to put a fucking sock in it and I didn't like being told that, but then I realized I was wrong and annoying, so I stopped. But I'm still problematic. I'm very self-focused. Hell, I have a fucking blog for writing about myself! You're reading it! I have to FORCE MYSELF to put myself in others' shoes and to empathize. It truly does not come naturally to me. I'll catch myself making other people's stories and anecdotes about me. Also: I'm judgmental. I'm mistrustful. I'm, at times, dismissive. I can be blunt to the point where it's sometimes refreshingly honest and it's sometimes vaguely antisocial. Basically, I'm a classic Sagittarius y'all!

I have fucked up numerous times and, sadly, will never reach perfection. But here's the thing: neither will you. Neither will Amy Schumer or Dan Savage. Or fucking Barack Obama (he fucked up too, guys! Drones!). When we say "your fave is problematic", that is accurate because, guess what, EVERY HUMAN BEING EVER is problematic. Does that mean we're all on par with Hitler or Steven Bannon or that little fuckhead Richard Spencer? No, of course not---those guys aren't just "problematic", they're fucking psychopaths who literally deserve to burn in hell. I'm talking about the massive grey moral area most decent but not perfect people inhabit.

Again, I realize that there's a lot of complexity here. Some people's problematic behavior is worse than others. But what I hope what folks get out of reading this is the permission, if they need it, to forgive themselves for their failings and the courage to consider making some changes. It's difficult because smart people know they'll never be perfect so there's this temptation to never change because why bother? Well, like many things in life it's not about the destination, it's about the journey. No one reaches the destination of "perfection" or "living a life where you never hurt anyone". Sorry to burst your bubble. BUT, everyone is capable of learning. Everyone is capable of small changes. And that learning is what makes life worth living. The folks who never think about their actions or question their beliefs? You should pity them. They're living an unexamined life. And that's boring.

So, today, hold these two seemingly contradictory thoughts in your mind: I am not perfect. I can examine my life.

Your fave is problematic. You are problematic. I am problematic. And being "problematic" is a gift because it allows us the opportunity to change and to love other people more fully.

PS: Did you guys know that Rick-rolling is racist and transphobic? I had no idea until I read this really intriguing essay.